Why Work Conversations Get Messy (and How to Fix Them)

The workplace telephone game - Avoid the pitfalls of workplace whispers and work better together. Tackling miscommunication at work with actionable tips

Remember the childhood game where kids sit in a circle and pass a whispered message around? By the time it reaches the last person, the message is hilariously distorted.

Unfortunately, this happens all too often at work, and the results aren’t so funny.

Instead of whispering, we exclude key people from conversations, pass information through multiple layers, or avoid direct discussions. Here's how it usually plays out:

• Person A tells Person B.

• Person B tells Person C.

• Then Person B loops back to Person A.

The cycle continues, wasting time and creating confusion. This happens in meetings where critical stakeholders are left out, on Slack when people veer into private DMs, or even in email threads that exclude relevant parties.

Why This Hurts Us All

This behavior leads to two big problems:

1. Wasted Time
   Instead of having everyone in the same conversation with full context, we rely on middlemen to relay questions and answers. It’s inefficient, and the back-and-forth often delays progress.

2. Loss of Ownership
   When someone becomes a go-between, they stop owning the work. They’re no longer leading the conversation but simply passing messages. It makes them look like a messenger rather than a decision-maker.

Common Workplace Telephone Game Scenarios

Here are a few examples I’ve encountered (or heard from colleagues):

• “It’s a Sensitive Topic”
  When something is labeled “sensitive,” people sometimes keep key stakeholders out of the loop to avoid uncomfortable discussions. But excluding others only worsens the issue. Open communication is the better path.

• Excluding Stakeholders in Kickoffs
  Some teams avoid inviting all relevant stakeholders to project kickoffs, thinking it will make discussions more focused. But by the time the excluded parties are “looped in,” it’s often too late to course-correct.

• Private DMs Instead of Group Channels
  This is a big one. Someone will DM me a question instead of asking it in a shared Slack thread. My usual response: “Can you post that in the group?” Asking questions publicly is better for everyone—your question might help others, and no one will think less of you for asking.

• Managers as Mediators
  Occasionally, other managers come to me about issues involving my team members. They’ll say, “My employee said your employee did X. Can you talk to them?” This is secondhand hearsay, which makes it hard for me to address effectively. Instead, they should talk directly to my team member. Managers don’t have magic wands; honest, direct conversations are far more productive.

How to Fix It

We all want to work better together, so let’s address the workplace telephone game head-on:

1. Keep It Public
   Avoid private DMs for questions or feedback that could benefit the team. Use the relevant thread or channel instead. Don’t worry—no one remembers “dumb” questions, and your curiosity might help others.

2. Give Feedback Directly
   If you have feedback for someone, share it with them directly—respectfully and constructively. Hear their side of the story, too. Only involve their manager if absolutely necessary, and never go around someone’s back. Trust matters.

3. Invite More, Not Less
   When organizing meetings or kickoffs, err on the side of inclusion. Invite optional attendees or let them decide if they want to join. Explain why you think they might be relevant. This way, you gather feedback early, avoid rework, and make better decisions.

Let’s Work Better Together

The workplace telephone game wastes time, breaks trust, and creates inefficiencies. But we can avoid it by fostering open, direct communication and keeping everyone aligned.

We’re all here for the same goal: to help the company succeed. Let’s do that by working with each other, not around each other.