How to Handle Disagreements at Work Without Losing Your Cool
Workplace conflicts happen, but they don’t have to derail you. Here’s how to turn disagreements into productive conversations instead of unnecessary battles.
Disagreements at work are inevitable. Whether it’s with your manager, a colleague, or even a C-level exec, you’ll face moments where you just don’t see eye to eye. How you handle these situations can define your reputation and effectiveness at work. Let’s talk about how to navigate them without making things worse.
A Real-World Example (Where I Messed Up)
A few years ago, I managed the localization owner at my company (let’s call him Joe). One day, our CRO directly asked Joe to tweak some translations to help close a deal. Joe checked with me first, and since it seemed like a small change to both of us, he went ahead with it without notifying anyone else.
Turns out, that “small change” caused a massive issue due to dependencies in the code. It took days to uncover what had happened. The VP of the affected area was frustrated and called me out for poor management.
My reaction? Defensiveness. The CRO asked for it! I didn’t know the dependencies! Why am I being blamed? This escalated into a heated conversation. Looking back, I see my mistake: I was focused on proving I wasn’t wrong instead of actually solving the issue.
The Big Mistake: Assuming You’re 100% Right
When disagreements arise, our instinct is often to dig in and defend our position. But that’s not how you win. If you’re too caught up in proving your point, you:
Stop listening.
Appear defensive or stubborn.
Miss opportunities to learn and grow.
Damage relationships.
A Better Way to Handle Disagreements
1. Pause and Assume You Might Be Wrong (Even Just 2%)
Before reacting, assume there’s a small chance you’re missing something. This keeps your mind open to new information.
2. Listen, Ask, Clarify
Instead of jumping to conclusions, ask questions:
Why do they see it this way?
What are they optimizing for?
What’s the bigger picture I might not be seeing?
3. If It’s Getting Heated, Hit Pause
If a disagreement stretches beyond a few minutes or emotions flare up, step back. Say something like:
"OK, thanks for the feedback. I’ll think about this and get back to you." Taking time prevents knee-jerk reactions and helps you process things rationally.
4. Find the Common Ground
Before pushing your perspective, acknowledge theirs:
“I see why this is important to you. Here’s where I’m coming from...” This makes it more likely they’ll hear your side, too.
5. Offer Solutions, Not Just Objections
Saying “I disagree” isn’t enough. Come prepared with alternative solutions, even if they don’t fully align with what you originally wanted. The key is to see the bigger picture and find a path that benefits the broader team or company.
6. If a Decision is Made, Commit
Even if the final call isn’t what you wanted, don’t undermine it. Give it your best effort—people respect team players, not sore losers.
The Takeaway
Disagreements don’t have to be battles. Listen, clarify, and give yourself time to respond thoughtfully. The goal isn’t to “win” but to get to the best outcome.
What’s a time you handled a disagreement well (or not so well)? Let’s hear it!